Truth has no agenda!

Truth gives perspective and provides purpose. It has no agenda on its own. It is what it is. Different perspectives can make us see different things looking at the same object or situation. True. But all the qualities of the object or situation remain the same regardless of perspective or who is looking.

In the end it seems it doesn't matter that much – seeking the truth that is. So many people are ready to fight to death for, what is in all honesty, pure trivia. Like the true way of putting your paste onto toothbrush (it’s by squeezing the bottom part, of course ;-).

But I would side with those that say that unexamined life is not worth living. And truth, as much as achievable to us as extremely subjective entities, is in my opinion in center of such examination. Thus, correcting once stance when you find additional perspectives, additional facts on what is, such correction of views that brings us closer to truth, it teaches us, nurtures and grows us as human beings. It is foundation for taking responsibilities. It shows us previous mistakes and way to correct them if possible. It closes the gap with people who already had those perspectives by making us understand them better. Honey replaces bile. And verbal communication as off as it can get, gets better. And even small changes in humility, understanding, saying sorry and loving more by way of better understanding goes really long way.

So, even truth by itself has no agenda, it helps us that our agenda of seeking truth and growing trough that journey is met. Many times we are not up to the task. Yet, if we try long and hard enough, it is close, in our grasp.

So let us try our best grasping it.

l2i

How to eat an elephant? (Part 4)

Getting to the heart!

With carefully crafted questions we can reach somebody’s heart. This could be if we ask for example: “What do you think about...?”, “What has convinced you that...?”, “How would you react if...?” and so on. Still, we should be careful not to bombard people with questions. If we really want to help, we should be sure that person is in right mood for conversation. This can be decided e.g. by asking somebody: “Can I ask you about...?”

It is not possible hastily and without effort to find out what lies on somebodies heart. In most cases certain time must pass in order that person builds trust so she/he is ready to share her/his thoughts and feelings. Still, even then I should be considerate so person will not be under impression that I would like to find something that is none of my business.

So in conclusion: How to eat an elephant, that is successfully give advice? Take your time, find out the context, and try to be reasonable and humble, and even than be sure that advice needs to be given!

(See part 3 here)

How to eat an elephant? (Part 3)

Advice on taking advice!

Key qualities for accepting healthy critique and advices are reasonableness and humility. It is not always easy to find out what people think. Another saying says: “Thoughts in man heart is deep water, and reasonable man knows how to draw them out.” Reasonableness is capability to see what is not visible on first sight. It requires discernment and interest in others. Reasonableness also means being able to discern from several options and to use the one that is most appropriate. In order to take advice – reasonableness is of great importance.

Maybe even more important from reasonableness for taking advice is quality of humility. To be humble means to be ready to see other person as bigger than you. I think that it doesn’t need to be additionally emphasized how much easier is to take advice with such attitude. Still, if it is hard for us to consider person bigger than we are because of innate selfishness, maybe we can consider as wiser just some of their thoughts and actions; those that are contained in advice. In any case, sincere humility will soften us for receiving advices.

What about adviser? What she/he should take care of? For starters, one should avoid being person who advises everybody all the time. Nobody of us is so wise that it could justifiably do so. And we all know oh so well that nobody likes know-it-all persons. So, advising should be only then when we are asked for advice, or e.g. when person we would like to advise is in some kind of serious danger or similar.

(See part 4 here)   (See part 2 here)

How to eat an elephant? (Part 2)

Most common reasons for rejecting advice!

3 most common reasons why we reject advice are: appropriateness of advice, the way in which advice was given, and person giving the advice.

▪ “I think that advice wasn’t appropriate.” Maybe I think that advice given is not at all usable on my circumstances, or person that gave me advice does not have whole picture about my situation. My first reaction could be belittling the advice. But think about this: we are all imperfect men. Is it not possible that I should change my view on situation? I should ask myself: "Is there at least one good reason why that person gave me advice?" If there is, then I should definitely focus on that. One wise saying says: “Accept reminders, do not let them go. Treasure them. They can give you life.”

▪ “I do not like way in which advice was given.” True, taking into consideration sensitivity of giving and accepting advice, one should respect high criteria about how to give advice. But it is also true that we are all deficient and making errors. Perfect advice given on perfect way can be given only by perfect person. If we wait on that – We will never accept any advice. So, advices are taken through imperfect men and it would be good that we try not to look on the way advice is given. Instead, let’s look on what was advised and let’s think how we can apply it.

▪ “Is he/she going to give advice to me?!” If I think that deficiencies of adviser decrease value of his/hers advices, I should take into consideration mentioned earlier. There is no perfect human being; hence there is not perfect adviser. Similarly, if I think that because of my age, life experiences or responsibilities I have – I do not need any advice, I should really correct my views as soon as possible. Otherwise, instead of spiritual and intellectual growth I will remain hardened and cocooned, without opportunity to grow. In this day and age imperfect men are those who give us advices, and reasonable person willingly accepts and applies good advices, even in cases when she/he knows about certain quality or area more than adviser! If I have greater responsibilities or more experience than others, I should try even more to give good example in being reasonable and humble by accepting valid advices and applying them. This is the way how I can gain right to give advice to others when appropriate.

(see part 3 here)  (see part 1 here)

How to eat an elephant? (Part 1)

Critique, criticism and advice

I like to differentiate critique and criticism, something that might not exist in form I will describe here in English language. So bear with me. If you are willing to differentiate – main difference is reason for giving it to somebody. Critique (as defined here) is motivated with desire to help dear friend or beloved person on area(s) where they have chance to improve. Although it cannot be seen always, critique is mostly motivated by sincere interest for wellbeing of person you are critiquing.

Criticism (used in this context) is mainly aimed at putting down somebody, negating that person knowledge and skillset and similar. So, main difference in relation to critique is not necessarily just the content, but also motivation behind it. It is clear that criticism (as defined here) is something that healthy and well minded persons should avoid.

Advice could, but doesn’t have to be included within critique. That is, it can be given on its own. For example, I may opt not to give critique to my loved one. I only give her advice on how to improve something that is already good. If we are talking about improving some bad habits or qualities advice will be given together with critique.

There is tendency in human nature to reject critique and advice. It is as hard as eating an elephant. Simple reason behind that is: If I already do something in certain way for some time, I most likely believe how I am doing things the right way. When somebody, even with valid reason, breaks that illusion of mine, natural human reaction is defensiveness and negation of critique plus rejecting advice.

(see part 2 here)