Differences and Accepting differences

You are so different. I don’t want to have anything with you. This can be heard a lot. But if it was executed in global way, if something like that was possible, it would mean we have one single person in the world, and we have billions of billions instances of that same person.

That would be kind of boring if you ask me. Ultimate boring – to be more precise. What if I would go to store nearby and said hello to tens of Me on my way there? Cashier me would push back Me exchange from shopping. Me Me would said: Thank you Me, to cashier Me. Next in line customer Me would said: give Me two extra bags for My stuff. And cashier Me would said: Most certainly mister Me. I haven’t seen you lately – how are other Mes in your family?

You get the picture, right?!

Now, thing that make friendships, loves and all these stuff worth living for are in fact our differences. And not just any differences – mind you – because it just doesn't work in that arbitrary fashion. These are complementary differences. Two objects, words, sentences, behaviors etc. that fit nicely together.

For example: You have your speakers and listeners. Also, could be mouth and ears on different persons. They can also change turns. You have your huggers and persons seeking affection, waiting to be hugged. You have your sufferers and comforters. There are wives and husbands. And so on…

There are, of course, toxic differences as well. It is basically numerous variation of mankind long lived problem that could be summed as following: You have single territory. It is divided between two persons. And somewhere in the border of their separate areas within territory plum grows. And the question of all questions is: On whose side plum is?

But I think differences need to be appreciated and cherished. We are the ones that should ask for complementarities within our differences. It is our task, each individual on its own. And yes, with many others we will not have any particular number of complementarities. But with enough of them there will be a bunch. It is a bunch worth living for.

And yes, toxic ones – whose plum it is – we should avoid at every cost. Let the plum be. Whoever owns it doesn’t change the fact it is just the plum on otherwise huge territory.

Accepting differences is necessity in living, it allows us to see what can complement us – and enables to seek that other part of love, friendship, partnership etc.

So enjoy your differences!

l2i

Counselor for All: One Tool Solution for All Problems

I don’t know if you know the type? You must know him! It’s the guy you don’t ask anything but he happens to crawl all over your life’s intimate details (which you didn’t tell him, and strangely which are incorrect). And there is solution for everything, if you happen to tell different problems.

And strangely enough – all the solutions are exactly the same. Guy knows some nirvana equilibrium solution that solves all the problems. I am thunderstruck for once (that’s probably not even an expression, but you try being with that guy).

But not for long, mind you. As the guy continues to speak – everything becomes bleach. It is the same sentences with number of permutation as long as guy’s vocabulary is. But even he spends all the words, if you can recognize the pattern – any pattern; you are onto him in minutes if not inside one minute.

It is nightmarish connection. The one I really don’t want. The one I certainly don’t need. To meet a person who fills 99% space about me with presumptions, and picks up 1% of casual info about me. It’s a nightmare on Counselor from Hell Street.

But I imagine there is one place worse to be than with that guy. In that’s guy head. Can you imagine that? How annoying is that? I mean, obviously for everyone around! But how about thinking one single thought about any and every worlds and people issue? Thank you, but no thanks.

And thinking about this last thought – I guess that is the strategy in there for dealing with that kind of person. I mean, obviously you will leave that guy’s company as soon as opportunity presents itself, but in the meantime: Why not think how it would be to be that guy? That’s a salvation thought for time you are for some reason stuck with that guy.

Do you have any thoughts of your own about Counselor for All?

l2i

Choices – How much we can really choose?

There is positive thinking movement paradigm: ‘You always have a choice’. It sounds about right on first listening. But I do believe there are layers there to be explored.

Take a look at crisis 2008 autumn till today. Jobs are downsized in companies. New openings are scarce. Finding a job became true art. And it used to be just a skill. How many choices about finding job we really do have? Plenty, I would say. But most of them will increase chances of success only slightly or not at all in current situation.

E.g. you send much more applications. Let’s say 100x than before the crisis. Physically, you are on the upper limit; you simply have no time to send more job applications than that. And at the same time companies in general receive 10x to 10.000 times more applications because army of unemployed has significantly grown. So, that kind of annuls your effort. Or even worse: most of the people out of the job are also sending 100x more applications. So, despite your effort, you end up in much lesser chance of nailing that job than before the crisis.

Did you have choices? Of course you did. You had plenty of them, actually. But sometimes number of choices hardly plays any role at all in your chance of success. Sometimes odds are so bad that even if you use all the good choices available, you end up much worse compared to better times (times with better external factors you cannot change).

And yet, there is army of positive thinkers that are ready to say: JUST DO ALL YOU CAN DO AND IT WILL BRING YOU SUCCESS. Now, in core of positive thinking movement there are some rather good principles, worth living. Don’t get me wrong. But there is number of followers of followers of followers of positive thinking willing to say: ‘YOU ALWAYS HAVE A CHOICE, AND EXERCISING YOUR CHOICES IN RIGHT WAY GUARANTEES YOU SUCCESS!’

I think majority of positive thinking authors are realist enough that they know nothing guarantees you anything. But distorted view of followers of followers of followers is really of the target. Yes, obviously you always have a choice. And yes, by exercising good choices you increase your chance of success. But nothing, nothing among imperfect man can guarantee you success.

So, in summary: you can choose your actions which (if good) will bring you closer to desired result. But you cannot choose, and I repeat this: You cannot choose end results!

l2i

In the Middle of the Lake, Don’t Know how to Swim, and Advice you get is…

It is a small metaphor I am working on. Sometimes it is in the family, sometimes on the job, sometimes with friends.

So I am in the middle of the lake, don’t know how to swim, and good-minded people of all backgrounds shout: “SWIM TO THE SHORE!” 

Now, I cannot reach the shore with my hands but while wildly swinging and kicking with my arms and legs, I manage to shout back: “I DON’T KNOW HOW TO SWIM!” 

And immediate response from the shore comes back: “IT IS EASY! JUST SWING WITH YOUR ARMS LIKE THIS, AND DO WITH YOUR LEGS LIKE THAT!” Good advice, right :)?!

Well, I feel down sometimes. And lots of people around me don’t want to see me blue or depressed. So they start giving me advice: ‘You shouldn't be in your room, you need to get out!’ or ‘Strolls would help you! Go to nature and walk!’ or ‘You need to find something you like and just do it, that will snap you out of it!’

Great! I am drowning because I cannot swim, and people are telling me the obvious: ‘If you knew how to swim you could get to the shore easily!’ 

Now, unless I am depressed or blue for the first time in my life – you could say it is something new to learn – then no sweat about it. But if I am clinically depressed and have episodes, it sounds more like dear people telling me: ‘Stupid, all you have to do to get better is doing these things you already know…!’

And I am back in the middle of the lake and they are shouting: ‘Just swim.’ Now I am unwillingly swallowing some lake water, feeling really bad – not knowing if I can get anyhow back to the shore and all motivation I get is – do one thing you are currently not capable of doing.

Don’t know about you, but I get frustrated about it. And yes, there are situation in job finding like that, when you are not up to something right now, and nice people around you implicitly advise you: ‘Stupid, all you have to do is do that thing you currently cannot do!’

How do you feel when that happens? 

Does it happen to you too? 

Please share.

l2i