Choices – How much we can really choose?

There is positive thinking movement paradigm: ‘You always have a choice’. It sounds about right on first listening. But I do believe there are layers there to be explored.

Take a look at crisis 2008 autumn till today. Jobs are downsized in companies. New openings are scarce. Finding a job became true art. And it used to be just a skill. How many choices about finding job we really do have? Plenty, I would say. But most of them will increase chances of success only slightly or not at all in current situation.

E.g. you send much more applications. Let’s say 100x than before the crisis. Physically, you are on the upper limit; you simply have no time to send more job applications than that. And at the same time companies in general receive 10x to 10.000 times more applications because army of unemployed has significantly grown. So, that kind of annuls your effort. Or even worse: most of the people out of the job are also sending 100x more applications. So, despite your effort, you end up in much lesser chance of nailing that job than before the crisis.

Did you have choices? Of course you did. You had plenty of them, actually. But sometimes number of choices hardly plays any role at all in your chance of success. Sometimes odds are so bad that even if you use all the good choices available, you end up much worse compared to better times (times with better external factors you cannot change).

And yet, there is army of positive thinkers that are ready to say: JUST DO ALL YOU CAN DO AND IT WILL BRING YOU SUCCESS. Now, in core of positive thinking movement there are some rather good principles, worth living. Don’t get me wrong. But there is number of followers of followers of followers of positive thinking willing to say: ‘YOU ALWAYS HAVE A CHOICE, AND EXERCISING YOUR CHOICES IN RIGHT WAY GUARANTEES YOU SUCCESS!’

I think majority of positive thinking authors are realist enough that they know nothing guarantees you anything. But distorted view of followers of followers of followers is really of the target. Yes, obviously you always have a choice. And yes, by exercising good choices you increase your chance of success. But nothing, nothing among imperfect man can guarantee you success.

So, in summary: you can choose your actions which (if good) will bring you closer to desired result. But you cannot choose, and I repeat this: You cannot choose end results!

l2i

Negative feelings as viruses of the mind! (Part 2)

Fight to prevent infection!

In my view viruses of the mind create whole mental and psychic disease. But even as our brain is biased towards negative (I have read from Dr. Rick Hanson you need 5 positive thoughts to counter one negative thought), I still believe that except in rare occasions (like our boxer in the beginning of the story), it takes several bad thoughts that create bad feeling(s) in us to become virus of the mind, that can infect us in a way described in previous paragraph.

How can we counter this? Let’s stick with our job seeking example. If I have some writing skill, and apply to jobs that require them, and get rejected 100 times, have I lost my writing skills? Have I forgotten how to construct a sentence? How to make analogy? How to make a point in the end? I seriously doubt that is the case.

And here is where I - lay person - and Dr. Dawkins go in separate direction. I believe that viruses of the mind to exist. I believe they are toxic. And I believe that they can even be lethal mentally and consequently – physically. But, with faith that is proven – like in job seeking: in our abilities, skills and knowledge – with that kind of faith in something invisible, yet without a doubt there – it is possible to counter and cure viruses of the mind.

Just be aware it is a struggle. These are huge enemies not just in job seeking; they are also enemies of taking good advice and listening for critique (like described in this post about eating an elephant here); in believing that we are loved and worth to be loved. They are also enemies of our self-worth, killers of our confidence and stalkers of our happiness in sense that they want to make us fearful of feeling good and happy.

So, in conclusion – I declare war to viruses of the mind, pests that negate what is really good in us. I intend to fight with them with warm feelings of friendship, true love, appreciation of self and others; I will bleed for cause like gratitude for all the wonderful people in existence and all the great deeds that they did, and continue to do so.

Please, join me in only war I will ever participate – fight with me against viruses of the mind!

(click here for part 1)

Negative feelings as viruses of the mind! (Part 1)

Hard to get the job if infected! 

There was a story of a boxer who lost his fight by knockout. Asked by interviewer after the fight why it happened he responded: “I had one bad thought!” – “Just one?” asked the reporter, and the boxer replied: “You don’t understand – one bad thought is all it takes to get knocked out in boxing!”

Meme is something defined as virus of the mind by Richard Dawkins in his work ‘Selfish Gene’.  He goes to apply it on thoughts that have no rationale for, in his belief something like faith and religion, and that these things nevertheless spread like infection regardless of lack of evidence.

There is one thing you need to know about me – I am practical and very active believer in God. So, when taking a shot on concept like memes / viruses of the mind you must know I don’t believe it is applicable for true faith e.g., since I have witnessed such faith bringing colossal positives in life of my friends, acquaintances, loved ones and mine. 

But I still think it is valid concept. Only, I look at it slightly differently. Because of minds neuroplasticity, I think single thought is rarely virus of the mind like an example of the boxer from beginning of the article. I do believe it takes bit more to bring us down to toxic behaviors that perpetuate onwards. I think it is toxic feeling based on constantly negative same or similar thoughts that shapes our brain more and more biased towards negative expectations, actions and behaviors.

Let’s move to job seeking example. I won’t approach it scientifically, simply because I do not have credentials, and even more so – knowledge to do so. But common logic tells us that if we send hundreds of applications, and not a single answer arrives – well, we will start to sink mentally just like Titanic. Because, it was not any single rejection that hits us like train composition. No. It is expectation that, not from one application, not from 10 applications, but maybe from 50 of them we will receive one positive answer for interview. And as we move along the time, and that doesn’t happen – we start to sink. What we believed to be truth has suddenly shown false in our mind. And then, I believe true virus of the mind or meme starts to create itself. And it infects us. “I am not good enough – even from more than 50 applications nobody called back!” “I don’t have the skills needed, otherwise somebody would call already!” “I worth nothing, I was wrong to ever believe I am capable and good!” “There is simply no hope for me, I am lost cause”.

(click here for part 2)

Piece of Advice on Fighting Hopelessness

Hope is kind of anchor to the soul. Once your anchor is cut from your life’s boat – it gets very rough – floating and tossed by waves and winds. I have looked here and there in my life, and by far situations that brought me down to hopelessness where the hardest one.

Just recently I had really bad patch. I was numb after depression, and I don’t mean comfortably. I made slow progress back on track, when 3 months into hardship my very good friend killed himself. He hung himself.

Now, this was a character to know. He was so networked it was incredible. In my circles I could not say his name without eliciting some positive feelings and comments. He must have known 5k+ people I knew from same circles, and who knows how many others.

Strange part is, everybody loved him because regardless of timing or occasion he would stop by you, asked how you are and then really listen. He was a treasure in that way. He had so rare amicable approach to people, it was incredible. I always felt better after seeing and talking to him.

And yet, he had his hardships, troubles and depressions. I cannot help thinking if only he asked those 5000+ people I knew he know, 1-2% would be able to help him some way so he would get through his trouble. But I know deep down in my heart that was not an option. Simply because dark force of hopelessness is so strong that it skews your views so much so that only thing you see is reality so distorted that your best faculties are paralyzed and you cannot fight that arch enemy.

I am telling this because I have met hopelessness enough time in life that I know if I had something that seemed insurmountable, I would end up just like my friend – no doubt about it.

So here comes the good advice part:

Graphic says that “If opportunity doesn’t knock – Build the door”. I would like to translate that to hope. I strongly believe that hope is closely connected to our own action. I think without a doubt that with a glimmer of hope you, I and anybody else has a chance. Because the fact is: hope can be nurtured and can grow. And it has bias toward positive action. So, even small hope can be something you can start on and grow it real big to the point you have life worth living and much, much more.

And if we detect hopelessness – well build the door. Create knock-able action that will become your glimmer of hope. And then – you have something to build on!

So for end, let me paraphrase the graphics advice: If there is hopelessness, look around and spark a glimmer of hope to build on it.

l2i

(Interested in How to eat an Elephant? Click here.)