Leaders and those who lead

I’ll start with quote from Simon Sinek famous TEDx speech (click here to view it): 

‘There are leaders and there are those who lead. Leaders hold a position of power or authority, but those who lead inspire us. Whether they're individuals or organizations, we follow those who lead, not because we have to, but because we want to. We follow those who lead, not for them, but for ourselves. And it's those who start with "why" that have the ability to inspire those around them or find others who inspire them.’ 


Starting with Why is so important because it defines a purpose. It defines our own fabric, what we are built of. I believe that those who lead happen to resonate on same frequencies of our most deep thoughts and feelings, and we just click – they inspire us, and we follow not them, but our deepest purpose built in with us.

I would like to offer some of the traits that I’ve seen to be the same in my opinion among some of those who lead, like Martin Luther or Mahatma Gandhi.

It seems there is personal humility in sense that their person is of no significance, but purpose they are standing behind is at first and foremost place in their life. They have no trouble walking among those who follow them, because they consider them in sense the same as themselves, gathered on idea, purpose, and big goal. They don’t expect admiration for their personality, but they do unite with those who follow easily about the same big thing they both pursue.

Then, they Lead by Example, they Practice what they preach. And that makes their proclaimed purpose believable for those who follow them, because they unite around that purpose, and as long those who lead are on that track, they have no problem to follow them.


Then, there is patience and perseverance. They are ready to take sacrifice for the cause. They are ready to suffer if necessary, because they strongly believe that purpose they try to achieve is bigger of any personal loss they could possible went through. Think for a minute about Gandhi and his struggle, and his readiness to go through all that in order to achieve freedom.


And for this short post, last thing I would like to emphasize is readiness to be wrong and admit that. Well, you can say it is being humble, and I already mentioned that. And that is true. But I think it is so rare trait these days that I believe only those who lead tend to really show it. Think about it. How many people do you know that readily admit their mistakes, take responsibility, and change course of actions? In my life I only met a few in person.

 So what are your thoughts?



l2i

What the future brings? Ask kindergarten teacher!

There is a lot of talk, especially among Job Seekers – What will future bring? Who to ask? Who really knows? Some thought of physicist or mathematicians. Others say: ICT experts. Reasoning is: they can calculate the variables. They can predict the trends.

Other direction goes to psychologists, psychiatrists and psychotherapists. Kind of make sense with depression hitting #2 ranking cause of disability around the world. Somebody to pick our brains and tell us where to go, what knowledge and skills to get and what to do – sounds about right. Or is it?

I mean, how much we can trust people in labs, crunching imaginary numbers or creating new ways of socialization and social networks that in their nature de-socialize the society?! So, in my book you can count out mathematicians, physicist and ICT geniuses. They are all very useful. They just cannot tell us – really tell us – what the future brings, with any degree of certainty.

Then, how about brain pickers as fortune tellers? Psychologists, psychiatrist and psychotherapists are people I am good with. They treat me a lot. Medication. Talking. Asking endless whys. And I get that, they do help me in some part of my life a lot. It’s just, with all the neuroplasticity of the brain all they really go after is the past. Brain shaping in their way is changing how we think of past to do differently in the present. And yes, if done right that brings better future, but it surely does not tell us what the future brings!

So, I will go radical over here. I’ll quote Clifford Stoll in his TED talk. “If you want to really know what the future brings – ask kindergarten teachers”. Or better yet – ask good ones. So I asked. And this is empiric, no studies conducted.

It brakes like this. Parents of today have way too high expectations of everybody around their children. In high rates we have new phenomena: Child idolatry. They are becoming little gods for many parents. On the other end of spectrum are parents who neglect their children, and they do so systemically. So many little ones these days have soft gaze towards horizon. But it is kind of empty gaze – seeking for attention of adults. Some in search of attention are cuddly with their kindergarten teacher, or they fight with them all the time. But in the end, their kindergarten teachers are closest friends to those little ones, and that’s such a shame because their parents aren’t. In general, attention span is shorter and shorter. ‘I want it all and I want it now’ is becoming new mantra of lots of generation Z, or whichever letter comes next. Ambition clashers and fighters are much more common than before. And of course, there is silent minority these days of children with proper upbringing, love, nurture and care. That, to me, is the saddest part.

So what the future brings? It’s all about people! And that will be these little ones of today.

More aggressive deadlines, more competitive targets and more dehumanized working environments. Healthy balanced life-work will become distant dream. Bosses will more and more become oppressors, and true leaders will be dying kind. But where these leaders will exist and survive, their companies will stick out as the ones to work for, as exception that confirms the rule. Of course, it is all based on today’s consumerist mantra: “I want more!” And problem with wanting more is – you never get it. Once you have more – you still want more!

l2i

Negative feelings as viruses of the mind! (Part 2)

Fight to prevent infection!

In my view viruses of the mind create whole mental and psychic disease. But even as our brain is biased towards negative (I have read from Dr. Rick Hanson you need 5 positive thoughts to counter one negative thought), I still believe that except in rare occasions (like our boxer in the beginning of the story), it takes several bad thoughts that create bad feeling(s) in us to become virus of the mind, that can infect us in a way described in previous paragraph.

How can we counter this? Let’s stick with our job seeking example. If I have some writing skill, and apply to jobs that require them, and get rejected 100 times, have I lost my writing skills? Have I forgotten how to construct a sentence? How to make analogy? How to make a point in the end? I seriously doubt that is the case.

And here is where I - lay person - and Dr. Dawkins go in separate direction. I believe that viruses of the mind to exist. I believe they are toxic. And I believe that they can even be lethal mentally and consequently – physically. But, with faith that is proven – like in job seeking: in our abilities, skills and knowledge – with that kind of faith in something invisible, yet without a doubt there – it is possible to counter and cure viruses of the mind.

Just be aware it is a struggle. These are huge enemies not just in job seeking; they are also enemies of taking good advice and listening for critique (like described in this post about eating an elephant here); in believing that we are loved and worth to be loved. They are also enemies of our self-worth, killers of our confidence and stalkers of our happiness in sense that they want to make us fearful of feeling good and happy.

So, in conclusion – I declare war to viruses of the mind, pests that negate what is really good in us. I intend to fight with them with warm feelings of friendship, true love, appreciation of self and others; I will bleed for cause like gratitude for all the wonderful people in existence and all the great deeds that they did, and continue to do so.

Please, join me in only war I will ever participate – fight with me against viruses of the mind!

(click here for part 1)

Negative feelings as viruses of the mind! (Part 1)

Hard to get the job if infected! 

There was a story of a boxer who lost his fight by knockout. Asked by interviewer after the fight why it happened he responded: “I had one bad thought!” – “Just one?” asked the reporter, and the boxer replied: “You don’t understand – one bad thought is all it takes to get knocked out in boxing!”

Meme is something defined as virus of the mind by Richard Dawkins in his work ‘Selfish Gene’.  He goes to apply it on thoughts that have no rationale for, in his belief something like faith and religion, and that these things nevertheless spread like infection regardless of lack of evidence.

There is one thing you need to know about me – I am practical and very active believer in God. So, when taking a shot on concept like memes / viruses of the mind you must know I don’t believe it is applicable for true faith e.g., since I have witnessed such faith bringing colossal positives in life of my friends, acquaintances, loved ones and mine. 

But I still think it is valid concept. Only, I look at it slightly differently. Because of minds neuroplasticity, I think single thought is rarely virus of the mind like an example of the boxer from beginning of the article. I do believe it takes bit more to bring us down to toxic behaviors that perpetuate onwards. I think it is toxic feeling based on constantly negative same or similar thoughts that shapes our brain more and more biased towards negative expectations, actions and behaviors.

Let’s move to job seeking example. I won’t approach it scientifically, simply because I do not have credentials, and even more so – knowledge to do so. But common logic tells us that if we send hundreds of applications, and not a single answer arrives – well, we will start to sink mentally just like Titanic. Because, it was not any single rejection that hits us like train composition. No. It is expectation that, not from one application, not from 10 applications, but maybe from 50 of them we will receive one positive answer for interview. And as we move along the time, and that doesn’t happen – we start to sink. What we believed to be truth has suddenly shown false in our mind. And then, I believe true virus of the mind or meme starts to create itself. And it infects us. “I am not good enough – even from more than 50 applications nobody called back!” “I don’t have the skills needed, otherwise somebody would call already!” “I worth nothing, I was wrong to ever believe I am capable and good!” “There is simply no hope for me, I am lost cause”.

(click here for part 2)

How to eat an elephant? (Part 4)

Getting to the heart!

With carefully crafted questions we can reach somebody’s heart. This could be if we ask for example: “What do you think about...?”, “What has convinced you that...?”, “How would you react if...?” and so on. Still, we should be careful not to bombard people with questions. If we really want to help, we should be sure that person is in right mood for conversation. This can be decided e.g. by asking somebody: “Can I ask you about...?”

It is not possible hastily and without effort to find out what lies on somebodies heart. In most cases certain time must pass in order that person builds trust so she/he is ready to share her/his thoughts and feelings. Still, even then I should be considerate so person will not be under impression that I would like to find something that is none of my business.

So in conclusion: How to eat an elephant, that is successfully give advice? Take your time, find out the context, and try to be reasonable and humble, and even than be sure that advice needs to be given!

(See part 3 here)

How to eat an elephant? (Part 3)

Advice on taking advice!

Key qualities for accepting healthy critique and advices are reasonableness and humility. It is not always easy to find out what people think. Another saying says: “Thoughts in man heart is deep water, and reasonable man knows how to draw them out.” Reasonableness is capability to see what is not visible on first sight. It requires discernment and interest in others. Reasonableness also means being able to discern from several options and to use the one that is most appropriate. In order to take advice – reasonableness is of great importance.

Maybe even more important from reasonableness for taking advice is quality of humility. To be humble means to be ready to see other person as bigger than you. I think that it doesn’t need to be additionally emphasized how much easier is to take advice with such attitude. Still, if it is hard for us to consider person bigger than we are because of innate selfishness, maybe we can consider as wiser just some of their thoughts and actions; those that are contained in advice. In any case, sincere humility will soften us for receiving advices.

What about adviser? What she/he should take care of? For starters, one should avoid being person who advises everybody all the time. Nobody of us is so wise that it could justifiably do so. And we all know oh so well that nobody likes know-it-all persons. So, advising should be only then when we are asked for advice, or e.g. when person we would like to advise is in some kind of serious danger or similar.

(See part 4 here)   (See part 2 here)

How to eat an elephant? (Part 2)

Most common reasons for rejecting advice!

3 most common reasons why we reject advice are: appropriateness of advice, the way in which advice was given, and person giving the advice.

▪ “I think that advice wasn’t appropriate.” Maybe I think that advice given is not at all usable on my circumstances, or person that gave me advice does not have whole picture about my situation. My first reaction could be belittling the advice. But think about this: we are all imperfect men. Is it not possible that I should change my view on situation? I should ask myself: "Is there at least one good reason why that person gave me advice?" If there is, then I should definitely focus on that. One wise saying says: “Accept reminders, do not let them go. Treasure them. They can give you life.”

▪ “I do not like way in which advice was given.” True, taking into consideration sensitivity of giving and accepting advice, one should respect high criteria about how to give advice. But it is also true that we are all deficient and making errors. Perfect advice given on perfect way can be given only by perfect person. If we wait on that – We will never accept any advice. So, advices are taken through imperfect men and it would be good that we try not to look on the way advice is given. Instead, let’s look on what was advised and let’s think how we can apply it.

▪ “Is he/she going to give advice to me?!” If I think that deficiencies of adviser decrease value of his/hers advices, I should take into consideration mentioned earlier. There is no perfect human being; hence there is not perfect adviser. Similarly, if I think that because of my age, life experiences or responsibilities I have – I do not need any advice, I should really correct my views as soon as possible. Otherwise, instead of spiritual and intellectual growth I will remain hardened and cocooned, without opportunity to grow. In this day and age imperfect men are those who give us advices, and reasonable person willingly accepts and applies good advices, even in cases when she/he knows about certain quality or area more than adviser! If I have greater responsibilities or more experience than others, I should try even more to give good example in being reasonable and humble by accepting valid advices and applying them. This is the way how I can gain right to give advice to others when appropriate.

(see part 3 here)  (see part 1 here)

How to eat an elephant? (Part 1)

Critique, criticism and advice

I like to differentiate critique and criticism, something that might not exist in form I will describe here in English language. So bear with me. If you are willing to differentiate – main difference is reason for giving it to somebody. Critique (as defined here) is motivated with desire to help dear friend or beloved person on area(s) where they have chance to improve. Although it cannot be seen always, critique is mostly motivated by sincere interest for wellbeing of person you are critiquing.

Criticism (used in this context) is mainly aimed at putting down somebody, negating that person knowledge and skillset and similar. So, main difference in relation to critique is not necessarily just the content, but also motivation behind it. It is clear that criticism (as defined here) is something that healthy and well minded persons should avoid.

Advice could, but doesn’t have to be included within critique. That is, it can be given on its own. For example, I may opt not to give critique to my loved one. I only give her advice on how to improve something that is already good. If we are talking about improving some bad habits or qualities advice will be given together with critique.

There is tendency in human nature to reject critique and advice. It is as hard as eating an elephant. Simple reason behind that is: If I already do something in certain way for some time, I most likely believe how I am doing things the right way. When somebody, even with valid reason, breaks that illusion of mine, natural human reaction is defensiveness and negation of critique plus rejecting advice.

(see part 2 here)

Piece of Advice on Fighting Hopelessness

Hope is kind of anchor to the soul. Once your anchor is cut from your life’s boat – it gets very rough – floating and tossed by waves and winds. I have looked here and there in my life, and by far situations that brought me down to hopelessness where the hardest one.

Just recently I had really bad patch. I was numb after depression, and I don’t mean comfortably. I made slow progress back on track, when 3 months into hardship my very good friend killed himself. He hung himself.

Now, this was a character to know. He was so networked it was incredible. In my circles I could not say his name without eliciting some positive feelings and comments. He must have known 5k+ people I knew from same circles, and who knows how many others.

Strange part is, everybody loved him because regardless of timing or occasion he would stop by you, asked how you are and then really listen. He was a treasure in that way. He had so rare amicable approach to people, it was incredible. I always felt better after seeing and talking to him.

And yet, he had his hardships, troubles and depressions. I cannot help thinking if only he asked those 5000+ people I knew he know, 1-2% would be able to help him some way so he would get through his trouble. But I know deep down in my heart that was not an option. Simply because dark force of hopelessness is so strong that it skews your views so much so that only thing you see is reality so distorted that your best faculties are paralyzed and you cannot fight that arch enemy.

I am telling this because I have met hopelessness enough time in life that I know if I had something that seemed insurmountable, I would end up just like my friend – no doubt about it.

So here comes the good advice part:

Graphic says that “If opportunity doesn’t knock – Build the door”. I would like to translate that to hope. I strongly believe that hope is closely connected to our own action. I think without a doubt that with a glimmer of hope you, I and anybody else has a chance. Because the fact is: hope can be nurtured and can grow. And it has bias toward positive action. So, even small hope can be something you can start on and grow it real big to the point you have life worth living and much, much more.

And if we detect hopelessness – well build the door. Create knock-able action that will become your glimmer of hope. And then – you have something to build on!

So for end, let me paraphrase the graphics advice: If there is hopelessness, look around and spark a glimmer of hope to build on it.

l2i

(Interested in How to eat an Elephant? Click here.)